On Being An Aunt
May 2, 2015 - with Weston
June 30, 2018 - with Wyatt
I’m beginning to wonder if the phenomenon of being an Aunt has just been discovered by the 24 hour pop news cycle. All of the sudden I am being tagged in 2-3 articles daily about “Why Being An Aunt is the Most Surprising Experience Yet” or “What They Didn’t Tell Me About Being An Aunt.” Usually these articles center around three central notions:
Aunts aren’t tired and have lots of energy to play
Aunts love to spoil!
Aunts can give the kids back.
Personally, I’m 1 for 3 on these. I can give the kids back, however my sister has a no new toy policy with me, and I might not have kids, but I am always tired (should I see someone about this?). I tell my nephews I’m not a fun-aunt, I’m a mom-aunt. I might not be on the floor playing with them, but they will always feel as safe with me as they do with their own mama.
What I don’t see in these pieces is the myriad of ways that being an aunt serves YOU, the aunt. My top 10 below.
Teaching them not to be disgusting is self serving. Yes, I am guiding my nephew through washing his hands, through using a napkin and not getting food all over himself-- do you know why? Because I want a non-gross bite of his delicious child food. Children’s food is hands down the best. So if I can get the baby to stop spilling water in his mac and cheese, I can maybe get a bite. Don’t suggest I get my own, that’s insane, it’s children’s food.
We watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets the other day, my nephew asked me one million questions-- I am pretty sure it’s not because he is 4. I think I trained him this way. When we watched Moana I asked him one million questions-- and you know what? He answered every single one with about 80% accuracy.
Kids make you look really good in pictures. Best prop ever. Enough said.
They quiet your well meaning mom for a number of years. Moms want grandbabies. And when your sister or brother provides those, you’re off the hook for a while. It’s amazing. Instead of being inundated with texts and phone calls about my biological clock, our mom is bothering my sister about doctor’s visits and kindergarten teachers.
If you’re out with them alone you just seem like a super put together mom who easily lost the baby weight. “Oh yes, he’s 6 months. Thank you! I DO look great for having a 6 month old.” If they want to assume he’s my baby, I’ll take the compliment.
When you’re at a family event and feeling super awkward-- grab a baby. The baby is a distraction, and if the baby acts like a true baby they might need to be taken out. Your sister will be tired and grateful. And you’ll get to LEAVE for a little bit.
You know that thing “kids say the darndest things”? Sometimes that can serve you. My nephew asks some really prescient difficult questions sometimes. Sometimes he makes bold statements that start important conversations. Like for example he has been asking me for two weeks “Why won’t Uncle Andrey marry you, Nennen?” We have no idea where he got this idea, why he got this idea or why he’s so concerned. I keep laughing and mentioning it to my partner-- “isn’t that hilarious, what an idea” I squeal trying to seem breezy. I really hope when we visit this weekend he asks, I am very curious to hear how my partner answers. *
At a certain point they begin fetching things. I haven’t grabbed my own water bottle in months, MONTHS. Not only is it super helpful, but there are few things more adorable than watching the little gears in their head turn and toddle back into the room, water bottle or cookie in hand.
Having watched my sister, having spent more time with my nephews than I ever imagined I’d be lucky enough to spend I now know this: raising kids is a complete crazyland. It is harder than you can anticipate. More rewarding than you could imagine. But also really, really hard and tiring. I simply know that I know nothing. And still I am eagerly going to have my own babies-- if only to make my sister an aunt, because it really is the best.
When they sigh into the phone and say “I miss you, Nennen.” The mixture of adorably sweet and passive aggressive gets me every time (I see them like 2 times a week!).